About

This is my personal blog. It will mostly detail my daily life. If you find this uninteresting, well, don’t like don’t read. I shall attempt to present things in an intriguing manner, however.

You can contact me on Fuwanovel, the #fuwanovel irc channel, twitter, in blog comments, at zakamutt@gmail.com, as zakamutt on skype… Yeah, I’m Zakamutt or zakamutt pretty much everywhere. Ask me questions on ask.fm for a delicious response experience.

I sometimes write reviews and visual novel-related posts. I post these on solidbatman’s blog, and link to them from here. Well, besides that, I pretty much am the Fuwanovel blog right now (04/10/2014).

When not reading visual novels, I obsessively check my many social networks/forums/stuff. I play hearthstone occasionally… and that’s pretty much it. I’ve quit DotA2, BF3 makes my CPU overheat at the moment, and my mouse is too shitty for osu right now.

Bio, a post excerpt:

Presenting a moderately honest, decently optimistic front is probably one of my skills. How do you tell people you’re just floating by passively in the stream of life, with the occasional languid breast-stroke marking a futile attempt at change? Nobody wants to hear that, and hell, five percent of the time I might actually think that myself. Incidentally, this kind of optimism tends to increase somewhat when I do something productive, like work, or visiting a psychiatric/whatever. Still, I’m aware I’m making barefaced lies when I see them.

I am not proud of this side of my personality, but I’ve more or less given up on fighting it 95% of the time. And so, I tell people what they want to hear, fail to live up to expectations, and ultimately fall down to my default NEET stage soon enough.

I didn’t really use to be like this. In secondary tier education, however, I was struck by a depression, blooming into a magnificent case of bipolar II disorder. I started skipping school, and eventually went below 70% attendance and stuffs. I didn’t reach out for help for a year or more. I said I was just lazy. People seemed to believe me. I resent that a bit.

Following a slow but steady path down into emotional instability and self-hatred, my grades went in a similar direction. After a long while, I visited a doctor, got meds, they helped a bit.

Not really as much as required, though. See, I think something inside me kind of broke that year. My spirit perhaps, if I may be metaphorical. I kind of wish I could return to the days of yore where I actually didn’t suck as much at life, but I suppose it’s a rather futile wish.

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