Rectal Hachés And Other Misadventures

As you may or may not be aware, for a while now I have been waiting on a diagnosis, or lack of one, after a series of psychiatric evaluations. I started it due to suspicions of me having ADHD predominantly inattentive (also known as ADD). What transpired today was thus somewhat of a surprise: I did indeed receive a diagnosis – of Asperger Syndrome.

It’s not all that easy to accept because, well, I never felt all that aspergery. I’m not the best guy ever when it comes to socializing, but I’m not really super bad at it either and I don’t like, interpret idioms literally or totally make an arse of myself all that much. Lots of things /do/ fit, however, and I think the doctors are right. Especially the typical life story outlined, with a failure in uni studies, an outgoing early life but a descent into passivity when grown up… it all fits me to a T[1].

The one thing I’m thankful for is that I performed like a normal person in the video test where I was supposed to interpret people’s motivations and feelings based on a video I was shown. Apparently this is because I use my highly developed other skills to interpret information in a logical manner, allowing me to mimic the intuitive understanding exhibited by your average joe. Also a plus: my iq-penis is apparently in the top 2% of the population, to the point where if I tried to join MENSA I might be able to pass the test. Not that I see much point in doing that. A part of me really wants to be top 1% because that’s just a much prettier number somehow, but, uhh, I guess I’ll have to deal.

Unfortunately my short-term memory and “speed”, whatever that means exactly, are significantly less above baseline than my other skills are. I can definitely agree with this assessment, and hopefully I’ll be able to learn how to compensate for this efficiently somehow.

So where does this leave me? Well, apparently I have the right to… stuff that places can provide. And things. I feel pretty weird about like, taking courses in how to handle typical aspie problems – I feel like some people I see there might be much more hindered socially than me and thus a real bother to deal with. Is this unfair? Maybe. But given that this is something I’ll be doing voluntarily, it’s something I’ll have to think over. In any case, I’m meeting the people currently coordinating my efforts to get back into some form of occupation on the 28th, so I think I’ll take it from there. I actually have something I need to think about more before that visit, and hopefully I really will get it done… if only to not feel bad. That’s a pretty bad reason, but, uhh, results are all that matter right?

…I should really try to mentally reframe it as something to benefit myself when I can.

In conclusion, how I feel like right now is kind of like when I got diabetes – I’m really annoyed with this shit and will try my best to kick its ass. As for you all – all I can really say is, I still (probably) care about you even if I might occasionally seem not to. Feel free to remind me to think about your feelings on occasion, because I don’t necessarily do it automatically :P.

The title is a lovely piece of bilingual wordplay. It may or may not make you groan if you figure it out. If you want a hint… the English word you seek is not politically correct.

[1] The Grammarist claims that “to a tee” is incorrect, but it’s in the bloody Cambridge English dictionary and all with no note of it being a misspelling or anything. I still like the form I use here the most, but while it grates on me to see the more teematic version, I can’t really correct it in good conscience. Yet another little annoyance that I will have to either get used to or suffer through to the end of my days, sigh.

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2 thoughts on “Rectal Hachés And Other Misadventures

  1. RosenRitter

    This mimics my experience pretty well. The brain is a shrewd thing, and learns to do through intellect what it doesn’t know to do through “natural” ways. The iq helps a ton there.

    My advice would be to read a bit about neurology and the Theory of Mind and the autistic spectrum in particular. Knowing consciously how these processes work and how your brain warps around the “holes” to get shit done can help a ton in sorting said holes and realizing they are even there; I had never noticed I had mild prosopagnosia (inability to recognize faces, which commonly comes in the Asperger package) until after I was diagnosed and read about it, and suddenly explained a ton of other things. Although, like you, I had adapted pretty well previously to the diagnosis, I found going further much easier thanks to the information.

    About the passivity, no tips there. I’m still trying to get over it myself somehow.

    Just remember that Asperger is a mixed curse: It has some of the best parts of autism with only the somewhat bad parts of it. So don’t think it’s some sort of illness – it really is more of a min-maxing character build.

    Ps: Don’t even think about MENSA; they generally are elitist jerks.

    Reply
    1. zakamutt Post author

      The min-maxing character build thing made me chuckle – not a bad way to think about it. I’ll definitely be checking out a lot of information on this all going forward. And as for joining MENSA… yeah, probably definitely skipping that one :P.

      Reply

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